There's something bothering me. Something so very wrong. I don't feel well. Happy? I am not sure. Maybe lah, but who gives a shit?
Maybe it's my future. 'Future' is one word that can make me cry. 'Future' is a powerful word.
Referring to my condition right now, whatever I see in me makes me worry. I am gambling my future. I gave back my student title to ASWARA. I am unemployed. Freelance, but that's the thing, freelance. Sometimes people need me, sometimes they don't. Compare myself to others in my age, I am nothing. I don't know anything except music and writing.
How can I make money? My answer is 'I seriously do not know'. It doesn't really matter now because I am living with my parents but I cannot live with them forever. Future.
Future. Music. Writing.
So I may never get a diploma in music. It's okay for me though. It's not you who will not get the diploma.
"Sia-sia lah your hard work? (music studies)"
All I can say is 'NO'. I did not spend my money for nothing. I have learnt violin, music theory, keyboard, etc. Not everyone get the chance to play in ensemble. Not everyone can read music scores. I guess the question (or not a question?) above bothers me too? Guess so. But 1 thing I know for sure:
YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT I KNOW SO YOU BETTER STICK TO WHAT YOU KNOW OR I WILL CURSE YOU AND YOUR FUTURE GENERATIONS.
You might turn into batu or lalat or whatever. Okay. Joking.
I hate it when people talk about what they do not know. It is as if they were interrupting my conversation with A. Samad Said. No, I have never met A. Samad Said but I guess you can picture how I would react if someone was interrupting my conversation with one of my idols?
I don't know anything except music and writing.
At least I am alive and I am doing what I know best.
I take back my word! I am not 'nothing'. I know something that not many know. There are people who appreciate my work. I have my weapons.
The only weapons I am gambling on are music and writing. I speak through poetry and there's always music keeping me company.
What will become of me?
We'll see, in the future.